Voltaire: The Vegan Vampire

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I love games that have a premise that’s both really silly and also really unique. I think a good example of this is 2022’s breakout hit Trombone Champ, a truly unique take on the rhythm genre with an instrument you typically don’t see in rhythm games with a healthy helping of baboons scattered throughout to give it extra personality. Having a fun and exciting premise can get a game really far, and with great gameplay, the game is set up for success with its player. Keep this idea in mind while reading. I’ll come back to it, I promise.

Voltaire the Vegan Vampire follows the story of Voltaire, the youngest son of Dracula, who tells his father that he doesn’t want to drink blood or eat meat. Instead, he wants to be a vegan and eat only fruits and veggies! Natch, this really ticks Dracula off, and Voltaire runs away from home with his father’s minions hot on his heels. He comes to a house in the woods that belongs to his uncles, Frank and Stein, and sets to work growing his own food and protecting his new home from all of the baddies Dracula sends his way. Move from area to area to escape your father’s wrath, spend your days farming, and spend your nights brawling!

via YouTube

It’s an interesting premise for what’s a mix of farming simulation and simple combat. During the day, you’ll do all your farming and complete tasks. Around your home are plants that can be shaken down for seeds and water, cracks in the ground that can be dug up for supplies, and rivers with a friendly Cthulhu that will give you things – mostly rare seeds – if you feed it. Once you have the seeds and water you need, it’s off to planting. You’ll clear plots for your garden, plant, and then water; at first, each of these things cost five points of your energy. Energy can be restored by eating what you grow, but never fear! You can forge for crowberries if you haven’t grown anything yet or just need a pick me up.

During the day, you can also set traps around your home or garden. This is important as once you go to sleep, the challenge begins. Multiple creatures will come out of the woodwork to take your plants and try to tear down your home. You have a melee attack that can be upgraded as you survive these nightly raids (eventually, you may get the option to add a projectile attack that fires when you make melee attacks) and a magic attack that creates a stationary circle of pain for anything that walks through it. You can also get little animals that circle you and attack anything that gets close.

However, the space to defend is pretty big, especially if you plant in multiple areas. Luckily, you can plant defender crops that will bite or shoot things at enemies and are far sturdier than food crops. You can also set the aforementioned traps, which will keep an area safe for a moment until you can get there. After you defeat all the enemies, it will turn to day again. If you’re lucky and play it smart, your house still stands and you have food to eat. If not, well, you’ll get the choice to remember your decisions and lose twenty-five percent of your supplies to continue on, or start the day over from scratch and lose fifty percent of your supplies.

Each time you make it through seven days, you’ll have the opportunity to fight an (admittedly pretty weak) boss and open up a portal to a new area. Progress to the next area and the energy cost of each action goes up, and enemies become slightly more aggressive. And so on.

The issue with the gameplay is that it’s only fun at first. When you’re trying to learn the ropes and figure out a strategy, it’s exciting! You fail a lot, you’re constantly struggling with your energy bar, and when you make it through a night, it feels like a major victory. Then, when you start to understand everything, you’re able to stockpile food and resources, and the nightly raids grow easier and easier as you climb the ranks and gain new abilities. Of course, this is the goal of most games. You get stronger. The problem is that in Voltaire, the enemies don’t get tougher; only you do.

After a while, you’re one-shotting minor enemies and facing bosses that barely fight back. In addition, once you figure out farming and can do it for a couple of days successfully, you can just stockpile and barely ever have to farm again. This is great if you want to avoid the monotony of farming, but terrible if you enjoy the management aspect of the game.

Voltaire the Vegan Vampire  is a sweet game in terms of premise and design. It’s a little silly, its art style is endearingly creepy-cute, and clearly a lot of heart went into crafting it. Its gameplay, however, isn’t as sustainable as Voltaire’s diet. While fun and challenging at first, it quickly becomes defanged once you learn the ropes by reducing the need to play the farming simulator and making combat too easy once you hit the higher levels. Casual players looking to avoid the typical grind may enjoy it most, but this great premise doesn’t get Voltaire far enough to make up for the fast burn gameplay.