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I Am Bread (Steam)
Game Reviews

I Am Bread (Steam)

A great time with friends and a frustrating mess if nobody’s there to enjoy your many, many failures.

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With I Am Bread it seems that we’ve finally reached peak “So Random!!” folks: here is a game where you play as a slice of bread and it’s your job to get toasted. What more can I say to introduce such a product? One day the people of the far future will look back on us, realize we made this silly bread game, shake their heads and sigh. This is what we have achieved.

In this game, you are bread. That’s about it. You’re bread and it’s your job to get to the nearest toaster, hop inside and toast yourself – without getting too cooked on either side, naturally. If there’s not a toaster available, you’ll have to find (or make) an approximation. You’ll also need to do all of this without getting too much crap all over your yeasty self so you’re not too inedible.

You’re bread, so this is harder than it sounds. To get around, you can sort of scoot about like an inchworm, but you’re on the clock so this isn’t going to get you where you need to be as fast as you’d hope. Instead, you can use your four corners to grab onto the environment and climb, swing and flip your way to warm, golden-brown glory. Eventually. Maybe.

More likely you’re going to spend hours flailing about like a carbohydrate-based moron, flopping into the floor and getting covered in dust and ants on top of breaking all the myriad destructible objects in the environment. Such is the life of bread. It’s hilarious. And maddening. After an hour or so it’s mostly maddening. If you’ve ever played the Flash classic QWOP you’ve kind of got the idea. In terms of graphics and sound, it’s…uh, it’s nice for a game about bread, I guess? Looks about like any other Unity game, so it’s fairly inoffensive all around.

Your enjoyment of this game really banks on how much you can get into the ludicrous premise and the fact that the controls are designed to frustrate the hell out of you. Incidentally, this Venn diagram coincides closely with “people with a whole lot of YouTube subscribers,” so it’s pretty clear that this game was made for people with Patreon campaigns, monetization revenues and serious stances on the use of Adblock. For those people I Am Bread is a no-brainer, as it’s absolutely hilarious to watch someone else play it.

For the rest of us, I Am Bread is a great time with friends and a frustrating mess if nobody’s there to enjoy your many, many failures. If you’ve got some folks to join in, go for it, especially if you can pass the controls around between failures so everybody gets to be bread. If you’re mostly flying solo then you might want to pass.

About the Author: Cory Galliher