The Xbox One is hurting for games. Hate to say it – I love that big ol’ chunk of plastic, possibly more than the PlayStation 4 even – but it really needs some more exclusives to take it above and beyond. Fortunately, we’ve got games like Sunset Overdrive which show the system off and are fun as hell! Sadly, exclusives like Funk of Titans aren’t going to do the job.
So the good news is that this actually looks like a really cool game! Persus is this badass-looking disco king, Zeus is a funklord, there’s representatives from other genres of music abound and the game oozes 1970s/Ancient Greek charm. This may, in fact, be the only game to ever feature that aesthetic. It’s awesome. You collect LPs instead of coins. The music is funky as hell. The enemies groove along to the beat. The next BioShock should take place in Disco Ancient Greece.
The bad news is that it’s an endless runner! These were pretty lame back when Canabalt first came out and started the typical indie clone swarm and they haven’t gotten much better. It looks like a mobile game, it plays like a mobile game, and frankly I’m kind of surprised it doesn’t ask me to invite my Facebook friends to play in exchange for microtransaction coins or whatever it is mobile games do these days.
There’s just nothing to it. I guess sometimes there’s QTE boss battles if you’re into that kind of thing. The PS4 had a QTE game recently as well in the form of The Order: 1886, so at least the two consoles are even with one another. You can buy cosmetic stuff I guess, but none of it matters aside from the odd bit that opens doors in the endless runner segments.
And that sucks. It’s Disco Ancient Greece. There’s no way to mess that up, but somehow these guys managed it. Perseus has like three voiced lines and he repeats them constantly. All the time. It’s maddening. He’ll say the same thing multiple times in a row in a matter of seconds. The novelty is there, but it doesn’t take long to wear off, and things like the repeating-lines issue don’t help.
And…that’s it! Funk of Titans is a mobile game that someone would really like you to pay $13 for on Xbox One. It’s cute for maybe ten minutes – two or three hours per dollar is a decent metric of video game value. This doesn’t quite manage that by a factor of a hundred or so, sadly. Watch a Let’s Play on YouTube. Alternatively, wait for inevitably to become free with Games with Gold if you’re desperately wanting to try this. However funky it aims to be, it’s just not worth the cash.