Who can truly claim to understand the games industry? Not me, that’s for sure. I certainly wouldn’t have predicted bizarre turns like the PSVR or the Switch. I also wouldn’t have predicted we’d see pretty much every game under the sun receiving a PC port. Here we are, though, playing Bullet Witch on PC. Yes, please, calm down: you can play Bullet Witch on PC. I’m just as thrilled as you are!
The world has ended, as it tends to, and now humanity is being tormented by demons. Who’s going to stop them? Alicia is! She’s got a goofy outfit, a friendly (?) demonic companion and a bizarre broom-gun contraption that can turn into various types of firearm. What’s more, she’s got magic. She’s a witch. With bullets. A Bullet Witch. TM. What more could you want? Anyway, we follow Alicia as the merrily guns down all the demons in sight.
This is a title from the earlier days of the Xbox 360, so it should come as no surprise that it emulates much of the gameplay quirks of its era. In particular, Bullet Witch would very, very much like to be a cover shooter. It’s not, really, though you begin with the ability to generate cover; the lack of a dedicated button and associated mechanics kind of kills this idea, so it’s more of a toddle-around-and-hide-behind-stuff shooter. Alicia’s stilted movement contributes to this as well, since she lacks the sort of smoothness we’ve come to expect from modern protagonists.
Gunplay isn’t especially satisfying, either, given your bullets’ tendency to not even flinch your foes. What’s more, flying debris is absurdly dangerous, so you’re encouraged to play slowly and cautiously, picking off enemies and making sure you don’t accidentally get hit by a stray car or something. Spells, meanwhile, tend to be goofy cinematic affairs with long windups that are great for getting you shot, so you’re usually better off just focusing on the “bullet” part of Bullet Witch.
At least it runs pretty well on PC. Don’t expect miracles or anything, but if you fuddle with the options, you can get a solid experience out of Bullet Witch insofar as it can provide one. There’s something to be said for the voice acting, which falls squarely into the “so bad it’s good” category, and the graphics edge toward goofy rather than horrifying.
Anyway, yeah, that’s pretty much it. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate that pretty much everything is getting a port these days. However, I’m not so sure that everything should. Bullet Witch wasn’t especially impressive over a decade ago and it’s certainly not impressive now. For what it’s worth, at least it runs better – but you might be better off just running something else.