Look, we’ve all been there – whether you choose to acknowledge it publicly or not. We’ve all been in those dire situations where we’ve needed to spend a little extra time with our friend and savior, The Toilet. Sometimes it’s just a matter of things not working as they should. But sometimes, on those rare, miserable occasions, you’ll find yourself keeled over and hurting pretty bad.
Sometimes it’s a bad flu. Sometimes it’s bad food poisoning. Sometimes it’s a bad burrito. But everytime is a bad time. Through it all, there are moments of clarity and moments of hardship. With our bodies struggling to keep a decent temperature and break the fever that may be introduced, we often let our minds trail off to find a better place; a place where our brains save us from the agony our bodies are enduring.
While some of us fight through the fever dreams and sweat, Ascend Digitally was taking notes. Attack of the Evil Poop is a shooting gallery fever dream drenched in stench and lunacy. To describe it would be like reviewing a Jackson Pollock inspired scat painting. It features a constant cacophony of visual and audible garbage flooding the screen at every waking moment, but somehow, amidst all the toilet humor, it manages to be a good time.
Each level has you facing off with a giant poop in the toilet and it’s your … duty… to flush it away by any means necessary. Each poop is different and has different abilities and effects but each round mostly has the same structure. Equipped with a disinfecting gun and a toilet brush, you either shoot or hit the big poop enough to whittle down its boss-length health bar. Once done, you’re able to smack the handle to flush that bad boy down while smashing your space bar vigorously as you try shoving it down the whirlpool. All the while, you’re also trying to combat smaller poops that charge at you from many directions; damaging you if they get too close.
On top of this, there’s plenty more to attack in the level with garbage cans, faucets, baths and other hidden objects like boxes and chests. It all adds to a very crowded and chaotic screen a majority of the time. It’s a beautiful mess.
As the player, you’re not given the ability to move or look freely. It’s very much a shooting gallery and you’re essentially locked to a portion of the screen while using A and D to turn your head to a locked side view. This alone takes some time getting used to as it doesn’t feel as the controls never quite feel as intuitive as they should. Its perspective and design makes it feel as if it were intended to be a VR-enabled game but it strangely isn’t. I guess the developers figured there were enough crappy virtual reality games already? Zing!
Once you get used to looking around and the combat, it’s really a matter of understanding how a level works before you get deeper into it. As strange as it sounds, it’s not unlike a classic Tony Hawk level where each have a number of challenges, though full completion means getting a real lay of the land. Attack of the Evil Poop has that same quality where your first attempt might be successful, there’s still plenty of extra things to do in each level. Which is important as each completed challenge garners you with a coveted Golden Plunger used to unlock even more levels – which are just more menu items on a list of poop-causing fast food options.
You also have the ability to upgrade your items as well as purchase new ones to help aid in your journey to destroying all the Evil Poops in the world. These are, naturally, purchased with corn kernels that you collect through killing poops and destroying items. These upgrades add a bit more depth to the overall game and is one of the many things that help elevating it to being a real game despite what it might look like on its store page.
Attack of the Evil Poop is one of the hardest games I’ve ever recommended; based solely off the fact that potty humor is a very specific kind of humor that either some really enjoy or really hate. However, if you choose to ignore its, um, “aesthetic”, you’ll find a game far more engaging than it has any right to be and far more challenging. It’s incredibly easy to imagine that many will take one look and be turned off entirely. This is understandable, yet somehow still a shame as it’s not really the gameplay, but the fecal that matters most. Zing again!