I got your records right here, bub!

You knew it was coming. Chances are, you couldn't have avoided it if you tried (and trust me, I tried). The multimedia juggernaut that sent ripples throughout the land was dead-set on breaking all the rules, and a few records in the process, has done just that. Hubris be damned, as the less-risky-than breathing hope that Grand Theft Auto 4 would shatter all previous entertainment records is now official. With over $500 million in first week sales since it was massively launched, the world certainly isn't enough for Take-Two Interactive and developer extraordinaire Rockstar Games. Just for the numerically illiterate, that's HALF A BILLION DOLLARS.

Breaking down that grotesquely huge number of $500 is a bit more complicated as no official console-sales breakdown information has been released, but let's infer as much as can from what we can. An astounding 6 million copies of the game for both the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 consoles were sold during its first week of availability, with over 3.5 million on the first day alone. If we substitute European sales figures for each respective console, its easy to see the Xbox 360/PS3 split at roughly 60/40, which would easily make Microsoft's mega-machine the front runner in GTA Sales Excellence, although certainly not the 2-1 split the company was surely hoping for. Regardless, $500 million certainly exceeds the relatively paltry $300 million previous record set by Microsoft's own Halo 3 media-consuming bonanza, which represented the greatest media takeover since Samuel Jackson appeared on Froot Loop boxes to promote Star Wars Episode 3 (not making that last bit up...it was awesome).

But there's still so much that's unknown right now. How much of that booty came from overpriced Special Editions (topping $90 at retail), pre-orders, special promotions, and other various GTA-promoted bundles and fun stuff. This record-breaking take still managed to exceed even the most optimistic industry analysis figures, which had pegged the multi-console release around 5 million units sold and sales expected around $300. Much noise was made at direct comparisons to the apparent 'old entertainment' titan motion pictures and the anticipated release of Marvel's Iron Man and which release would top which. Although busting expectations of its own, Iron Man's record $300 million worldwide take still came up a few hundred million short of GTA4's haul, but them's apples and oranges if you want to go down that road.

In other news, how this will affect the nail-biting takeover bid from third-party giant Electronic Arts (EA) of GTA4 parent publisher Take-Two Interactive isn't known at this time, although EA's hostile bid to envelop the publisher into the fold has been met with resistance from within the company. Despite the successes of many of its internal software titles, Take-Two has found plenty of trouble over the years, of the financial and legal variety. EA's bid to absorb the company has widely been considered inadequate, with an initial offering of $25.74 per share that many felt undervalued Take-Two's potential. After the stunning success of GTA4's launch, the company's shares closed at $26.35 per share. Sign of the times, or the tortured caterwauls of a prolonged dead cat bouncing?

Time will tell how much the massive success of Grand Theft Auto 4 will affect any possible merger/take-over talks between the two companies, but with the next installment of the crime-riddled franchise years away, don't look for the next Rockstar Table Tennis to generate as much public enthusiasm or record-breaking debuts as its flagship series. Which is quite sad, actually, because its the best game of table tennis anywhere. Congratulations to all those involved and let it be known that one of those 6 million is blazing up my Xbox 360 as I type this.

In other news, water in its natural state is indeed wet and the sky is (pollution notwithstanding) still blue. More details as they become painfully apparent. Economic problems be damned!

Big ups to those lovely slags at The New York Times!