Have you ever heard of the classic western The Good, the Bad and the Ugly? If you ever wanted to use this title outside of the classic spaghetti western there is now something to base it off of. Yes, Electronic Arts/Maxis runaway creature-creation hit can now fit that example with the good (Spore), The Bad (well, mostly average with Spore Hero), and The Ugly with their latest Nintendo DS title Spore Hero Arena. I could make further comparisons to that movie but properly explaining why this game is barely worth playing is more practical than tarnishing anything related to Clint Eastwood.

Don’t get me wrong, the very basics of the Spore fundamentals are present, only shrouded in the veil of boring exploration and less than uninteresting cycles of battling other creatures for the sake of… battling more creatures. These are the only real defining elements that make up this game besides a throwaway plot which involves red stones, loosely similar to the Wii version of Spore Hero and against all odds manages to be exceptionally more generic than that to boot.

The game is played primarily from a 3D top-down perspective with the stylus controlling your creature’s movement and face buttons (or d-pad if your right-handed) to use various forms of attacks and defense, all the while traveling from planet to planet, fighting the inhabitants, and finally taking on the challenge of whatever boss you face for more blue fragments. What this means is running into whoever or whatever is in your path tapping the buttons (or D-pad) with reckless abandon that even a hyperactive adolescent who forgot to take his Methylphenidate would find droll.

Of course there’s more to it than that since you can either swipe, bite, spit or defend and plays more-or-less like a sumo match, which basically means that pushing your opponent outside of the ring guarantees victory. You also have special bio-attacks that are unnecessary distractions and will most likely make you lose because the execution takes too long where frantic button-mashing is instant, but still unsatisfying regardless. There are also special battle conditions and challenges to earn extra body parts and what-not, but I simply stopped caring soon after talking on the tasks.

If my explanation and absolute disdain towards my head editors in making me review this game wasn’t enough, then I’ll simply say that the worst part of Spore Hero Arena is the entire game itself.  The gameplay is lackluster, the action repetitive, and contains almost none of the weird charm a Spore game should have.  What this title does achieve at doing is being a blatant and obviously lazy attempt at shoehorning the marketable franchise unwillingly down our throats, an action that's likely to kill whatever goodwill and long-lasting appeal it might otherwise have.  Better stick with the Wii version instead, as the series deserves better than this, and if I haven't been clear enough: Do Not Want.